Saturday, December 3rd, 2016

1-800-want-gas

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People always ask me, “So, what government spending do you support? You can’t dislike everything the government does.” I’ve never been able to adequately answer that question, but I do have in mind a new government program I could support.

I think the state government should have a program where, regardless of where I am or the time of night, I can call them and tell them I ran out of gas.

Say, for example, my wife came home late from work. And let’s say we needed something, like milk for example, from the store. And let’s say, hypothetically of course, she stayed with the kids while I drove to the 24 hour Walgreens. And on the way there, okay let’s make it “nearly there”, I ran out of gas. Hypothetically, of course. Now rather than disturb her, make her wake up the kids and load them into her car, find the lawnmower gas can and then try to find me on some dark street corner, with my idea I could just call the state government and they would get me some gas and my wife would never have to know what happened.

Think about it. Because in my hypothetical there would have to be an angry conversation about how much gas there is in the lawn mower gas can, when was the last time I filled up, how will we get the kids to sleep when we get back hom, etc. Meanwhile, I’m sure I would be disturbing the local homeowners standing on the corner with my cell phone trying to figure out (hypothetically again) exactly where I ran out of gas.

And of course, like any government program, this is for the children. In cases like these, do we really want the children pulled from their beds and made to listen to a series of four-letter words rarely heard outside of biker bars? Do you think it would damage their self-esteem knowing their father (again, hypothetically) is dumber than a box of rocks when it comes to knowing what the little gas can light on the dashboard means?

So I say let’s set a little highway money aside, or even some of that state mass transit aid, for my new program designed to help those men who go through life “just above the E”. And let’s do it for their children.

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