Saturday, October 1st, 2016

Barrett changes mind after three-day drinking binge

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 Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett said that he was really drunk on Friday and has no idea why he announced he was running for governor. “Run for governor? Me? I’ve done that twice. Why the hell would I say that?”

“I used every spending cut [Governor Scott] Walker gave me to use. I stuck it to the local unions just like the law allowed. My only regret is that I couldn’t screw over the fire and police unions, too. I said that at the time. Wasn’t anyone listening?”

“Christ, I was so loaded Friday I don’t remember what I said. I was really s***-faced. I’m surprised I didn’t wake up next to a dead hooker when it was over. The last thing I remember was drinking with Rahmmy [Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel] and he must’ve slipped me a rufy  when I told him, ‘F*** NO, I ain’t running. I already lost twice. Let Kathleen [Falk] be a three time loser. It would be just like him.”

Barrett said he knew something was wrong when he woke up in a hotel and couldn’t find his pants. In his wallet was a hundred dollar bill with a note, “Some Chicago-style walking around money for the next campaign – Rahm.”

Asked if there were any lingering after effects, Barrett said, “Yeah, I’ve got [President] Barack’s [Obama] name tattooed on my ass. I guess I’m branded now. A**h***.”

 

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