Tuesday, December 6th, 2016

Big Macs for National Security

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Jessica McBride has discovered Club Gitmo detainees are getting fat. According to the Associated Press:

A high-calorie diet combined with life in the cell block – almost around the clock in some cases – is making detainees at Guantanamo Bay fat.

Meals totaling a whopping 4,200 calories per day are brought to their cells, well above the 2,000 to 3,000 calories recommended for weight maintenance by U.S. government dietary guidelines. And some inmates are eating everything on the menu.

One detainee has almost doubled in weight, to 410 pounds, said Navy Cmdr. Robert Durand, spokesman for the detention facilities at Guantanamo, a U.S. Navy station in southeast Cuba.

Isn’t this a good thing? Don’t we want fat prisoners?
“Hey that one’s wobbling away!”
“{puff} {puff)”
“Sergeant, walk over there and put the cuffs on ‘im.”

And after these guys get sent back to Afghanistan or wherever, it’s not like they’ll be very effective terrorists.

“I AM HIJACKING THIS SOUTHWEST AIRLINES FLIGHT!”
“I’m sorry sir, but due to the weight restriction you’ll have to buy a second ticket before you can hijack the plane.”

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