Saturday, August 24th, 2019

Clarke returned to work on Friday


Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke showed up for work on Friday, the sheriff’s office announced on April 1.

“If I didn’t have the bobblehead on my desk, I might not have recognized him,” Sheriff’s Department Spokesman Fran McLaughlin said afterwards.

“It was a little odd seeing him in person,” said Fran McLaughlin, the spokesman for the Milwaukee County Sheriff’s Department. “He looks taller on tv.”

McLaughlin said that Clarke’s rare appearance caused a bit of a stir at the Milwaukee County Courthouse. “Security didn’t recognize him at first,” she said. “They were going to pat him down when suddenly one of them remembered seeing him on Sean Hannity.”

Clarke became a national figure last year while campaigning for Donald Trump. Since the Trump campaign began Clarke has been on the road as a surrogate, first for the campaign and then for the administration. But even before that, Clarke was known for his long unexplained absences from the office, such as when he attended classes in California to earn his Homeland Security certificate.

Clarke also has been pushing a book that when on sale in February. The higher profile for Clarke has caused some to advocate for him to run for Senate against incumbent Senator Tammy Baldwin, although it’s unclear whether Clarke would run in a Republican or Democratic primary.

McLaughlin said having Clarke actually in the office did not cause problems.

“When he told us he was coming, we just made sure we had someone available to show him where the office was,” she said. “He only got lost once all day when he was looking for the men’s room.”

“He’s gotten used to there being a bathroom right off his dressing room,” McLaughlin explained.

Clarke said that returning to work was a little strange after a lengthy absence.

“For the first couple of hours I kind of missed staring straight ahead at a television camera or talking into a radio microphone,” Clarke said. “But then I went on Facebook, called the Mayor a pansy, and I felt right at home again.”

Asked what he did while he visited the office, Clarke said it was pretty routine.”I prank called Dan Bice pretending I was one of his John Doe sources,” he said. “Then I lit a bag of dog poop on fire outside of that candyass Abele’s door and threw water balloons at the crybaby county board members.’

“It’s not like I have any actual law enforcement duties,” said Clarke.

Asked what he liked about returning to the office, Clarke said he missed speaking to the local media.

“The best part of my day was spent calling Fox 6 in Milwaukee to tell them not to cover me anymore,” Clarke said. “I must’ve called them four times.”

“By the way, Ed Flynn is a wuss,” Clarke said.

McLaughlin said that due to the short length of Clarke’s visit to the Courthouse, he would not charge his entire standard appearance fee. However, taxpayers would still be responsible for the black SUV rental car and the presidential suite at the Pfister, which is standard for all of his public appearances.

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