Friday, December 2nd, 2016

Governor calls for special session of legislature

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Concerned about the bitter cold this winter, Governor Doyle (D-Ho Chunk) has called for a special session of the legislature to figure out a way to assist middle-class families with their home heating costs. “Let’s put them on welfare, too. By the way, please ignore all my other problems. Pay no attention to the federal investigations of my administration. No trouble here. Did I show you my slides from my trip to Iraq?”

Assembly Speaker John Gard (R-Sun Prairie/Peshtigo) and Senate Majority Leader Dale Schultz (R-Cornfield) quickly answered the call by proposing ethanol furnaces in every home in Wisconsin.

“It’ll be good for the economy” said Gard, reading a speech brought to you by the Archer Daniels Midland company, “Resourceful by Nature™.”

Schultz added, “And don’t worry about the pollution. We’ll get the Sierra Club to sell out on this, too! We’ll have an ethanol plant in every corner of the state. Soon the ethanol smog will jam the transmission of talk radio! Won’t that be great! No uppity Republican primary voters complaining! We’ll really be able to run this place then.”

“Uh, what he said.” said Gard.

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