Saturday, December 3rd, 2016

It’s all FDR’s fault

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Well, most things are. But did you know FDR was a “Global Warming Denier”? Turns out NASA forgot to carry the one and now we get to listen to senior citizens tell us to stop whining about how hot it is.

The 0.15 Celsius difference may seem like a minor change, but 1998 is no longer the “hottest year on record.” That honor now belongs to 1934. We thought we were sweating with Will Smith’s “Getting Jiggy With It” but it turns out our grandparents were really sweating to the oldies. Bing Crosby was singing “Two Cigarettes in the Dark” because it was too hot in the daytime.

Four of the hottest 10 years on record are now from the 1930s. The greatest villain in global warming history is no longer George W. Bush but Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

No wonder half the senior citizens I know never turn on the air conditioning and wear sweaters all the time. We’re complaining about global warming? We’re a bunch of wimps.

(knock on door)
ELAINE: Come in.
JERRY: Are you O.K. in here?
ELAINE: Why is it so hot in here? How can they sleep like this?
JERRY: It’s only for three days. Today’s over and we have tommorow. We leave on Sunday. It’s one day, really.
ELAINE: Oh man. What is with this bar? It’s right in my back. It’s killing me.
JERRY: Oh you wanna switch? I’m sleeping on a love seat. I’ve got my feet up in the air like I’m in a space capsule.
ELAINE: I am never gonna fall asleep.
JERRY: Oh, don’t say that. You’ll jinx me.
ELAINE: How can they not put the air conditioning on?
JERRY: They’re nuts with temperature.
ELAINE: This bar is right in my back! It’s making a dent.
JERRY: How about that guy writing a check for 19.45?
ELAINE: I’m sweating here. I’m in bed, sweating.
JERRY: It’s one day. Half a day, really. I mean you substract showers and meals, it’s like twenty minutes. It will go by like that. (snapping his fingers)

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