Mayor Jeff Scrima’s top ten excuses for missing the Christmas parade this year
10. Conflict in scheduling with the Festivus parade.
9. Santa Claus has a restraining order.
8. Former Mayor Larry Nelson liked the Christmas parade, so Scrima is against it.
7. He heard Cub Scout Pack 9’s Christmas parade float used fire last year. (He wasn’t there to see it himself.) Scrima is manning the emergency center just in case.
6. City of Milwaukee has a Christmas parade. Can’t be like Milwaukee.
5. Allergic to Magic Reindeer dandruff.
4. Parade organizers wouldn’t use his suggested theme, “Have a Merry Quarry Christmas.”
3. He’ll be at the weekend business seminar on late afternoon memo writing.
2. Scrima embarrassed he lost his Danny Gokey glasses.
1. This month he’s against street closings. Next month he’ll be for them again.