Thursday, September 29th, 2016

More Wisconsin at the Democratic National Convention

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Let’s face it, Wisconsin Republicans owned their national convention. Governor Scott Walker, Congressman Sean Duffy, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, Danny Gokey, Cardinal Dolan (former Archbishop of Milwaukee), front row seats for our delegates, and of course, the next Vice President of the United States, Convgressman Paul Ryan from Janesville, WI.

Then we look at the Democratic National Convention. Congressman Tammy Baldwin, likely to be clubbed like a baby seal by former Governor Tommy Thompson on November 6th. Congressman Gwen Moore will be appearing and hopefully speaking. (Please, please let her speak.) And that’s it. We don’t even rate a visit from the Democratic nominee for president.

Clearly there is unbalance in the cheese.

So in the interests of helping our friends the Democrats out, I thought that we could help the DNC add another Wisconsinite to the list of speakers. I’ve listed the likely candidates in the latest Wiggy Poll which will run all weekend. Help the Democrats find another Wisconsinite, won’t you? Vote now. (Brief explanation of each choice under the poll.)

Who should Democrats invite from Wisconsin to speak at the National Convention?

  • Graeme Zielinski (67%, 18 Votes)
  • Ed Garvey (15%, 4 Votes)
  • Fuzzy Man (11%, 3 Votes)
  • Former State Representative Jeff Wood (7%, 2 Votes)
  • Secretary of State Doug LaFollette (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 27

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Ed Garvey

Ed Garvey could stand with Tammy Baldwin as a before and after picture. Before losing to Tommy Thompson (Baldwin) and after losing to Tommy Thompson (Garvey). Garvey once received the Order of Lenin from the Capital Times, lost to Senator Bob Kasten, lost to Senator Herb Kohl in a primary, and his fondest childhood memory is reading a book about Hiroshima. Did I mention he caused the NFL players’ strike? This man is not only ready for television, he’s ready for prime time baby.

Jeff Wood

Former State Representative Jeff Wood could tell the story of how he went from being a Republican sponsor of TABOR to an independent caucusing with the Democrats. Then he can explain how the Democrats supported him through his last three arrests (of five) of driving under the influence, prevented him from being thrown out of office for his misconduct, and then busted him out of jail in a last-ditch (failed) effort to strike a bad deal with the state employee unions before evil Governor Scott Walker took office. It’s a great story, and a story we should have heard more during the recalls. Maybe he could take his pot dealer along for the ride.

Doug La Follette

Secretary of State Doug La Follette has the name that Wisconsin progressives love and is the only Democrat in Wisconsin holding statewide office. What more could you ask for? Okay, a lot, but he’s a La Follette. Granted, he’s a distant cousin to ‘Fighting Bob” La Follette.  But if that’s enough to get him elected then it should be enough to get him a prime time speaking role. Or at least a speaking role when it’s nap time at the convention.

Graeme Zielinski

Democratic Party of Wisconsin spokesman Graeme Zielinski puts the party in the party over in the insane asylum of Madison. Zielinski likes to throw around unfounded accusations and Biblical prophesies, and yells at journalists in his spare time. What could possibly go wrong by putting him on the stage? Just don’t allow him near open flames or the American flag. Or sharp objects.

Let me guarantee the Democrats that if they put Zielinski on during prime time, nobody will ever talk about Clint Eastwood’s performance at the Republican National Convention ever again. Carting him to the stage in a straight jacket on a dolly like Hannibal Lecter is highly recommended. I’m told Democratic Party Chairman Mike Tate keeps spares for special occasions.

Fuzzy Man

In the search for the one man who is the living embodiment of the protests in Madison last year, there can only be one candidate. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the Fuzzy Man. I’m not sure what he’ll give you.

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