Saturday, August 24th, 2019

Please, don’t knock you moron


So yesterday I returned from running my afternoon errands and, as I pulled into my driveway, I observed another car park on the street in front of my house. So I sat by my car a few moments and watched three people get out of the other car armed with clip boards and wearing name tags. I waited a few more minutes to see if they were coming to talk to moi, but they marched down to the end of the block and started pounding on doors.

I went into the house and watched them a few more minutes as they knocked on every other door on the other side of the street. Once they passed, I figured they were canvassing for something and, eh, I wasn’t on the list. We get a lot of Democratic groups, etc., and also the dogs are something of a noisy deterrent.

I settled into the couch, my faithful hound resting beside me, and began to read an article on the evil Never Trumpers. Just when I was getting to the part about sacrificing virgins, one of the three stooges pounded on my door. The dogs, of course, went nuts. I had to set everything aside, get the dogs out back, and then answer the door.

I did not say hello. I greeted them with the obvious question, “Why didn’t you speak to me when I was by my car?”

I am not making this up. The leader of the group said, “You looked busy. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

That’s right. He didn’t want to disturb me then. But disturbing me, and the entire household, after disturbing everyone else on the block, was somehow okay.

I almost slammed the door in his face but curiosity is my strongest motivator. “What are you selling?”

“We’re not selling anything. We’re doing some work in your neighborhood and we would like to give you a free estimate…” And that’s when I shut the door.

I should have had Smithers release the hounds.

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