Tuesday, December 6th, 2016

Scrima’s secret team of advisors revealed

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Jeff Scrima's advisors L to R: Vinnie Barbarino, Arnold Horshack, Gabe Kotter, Juan Epstein, Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington

The Wigderson News Service has learned the identities of the remaining members of Mayor-elect Jeff Scrima’s secret team of smart people.  Also known as The Sweathogs, this team advised the Scrima campaign on everything from debate preparation to scheduling.

Juan Epstein was, of course, in charge of scheduling.

“Dear Carroll University, please excuse Jeff Scrima from attending the candidate forum. He didn’t know about it, even though he was told about it. Signed, Epstein’s Mother.”

Vinnie Barbarino was in charge of debate preparation, which was evident when Scrima was asked about the supposed alternative to Lake Michigan water, using water from local quarries.

Mr. Scrima, you have suggested using quarry water instead of purchasing water from Lake Michigan.  However, that option appears to be more expensive and quite possibly not good for residents’ health.  Do you still think its a good idea?

What?

Getting water from a quarry.

Where?

The quarry.  You remember, you said you wanted to get water from the quarry.

I said that?  I’m so confused!

Could you just answer the question?

Hey! Up your nose with a water hose!

Arnold Horshack and Gabe Kotter were his media advisors.

Kotter: Newspapers mold people’s minds.
Horshack: Who wants to make a moldy mind?

Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington advised Scrima on the city budget.

Freddie: We’re gonna take all this money, we’re gonna put it in the bank. We’re gonna all be typhoons.
Kotter: That’s, uh, tycoons.
Freddie: No, typhoons. ‘Cause at the end of the year, we gonna all blow it!
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