Sunday, December 11th, 2016

The boob police

2

Meghan McCain takes on the boob fashion police. Artificial big breasts are in, but natural big breasts are out, and she doesn’t think that’s right.

Last week, Heidi Montag was on the cover of People magazine after going through an astounding 10 plastic surgeries—including a second round of breast implants. This time around, the 23-year-old Montag upgraded to a size DDD. Growing up, I always thought of People magazine as the classiest of the tabloids—they were one of the few celebrity magazines to have journalists assigned specifically to politics. So I was surprised by Montag’s gratuitous before-and-after spread, but maybe I shouldn’t have been.

Then a few days later, Christina Hendricks of Mad Men (who is, arguably, as known for her acting talents as she is for bringing back the voluptuous woman to Hollywood), walked down the red carpet at the Golden Globes in a Christian Siriano dress with a sweetheart neckline. Her appearance led to plenty of expected nudge-nudge headlines referring to her “assets” and “golden globes,” but it was New York Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn who really set me off. Not only did Horyn criticize Hendricks for her “exploding ruffle dress” but she also quoted a stylist who said, “You don’t put a big girl in a big dress. That’s rule number one.” One can only assume what aspect of her body the stylist was referring to when she said “big.” What I wonder is: Would Christina Hendricks still be considered “big” if she had fake breasts instead of real ones?

Similarly, Jessica Simpson recently went out to dinner in a low-cut dress, leading to instant drama in the Twitterverse. US Weekly even ran a story about it: “Jessica Simpson’s Big Breasts Are the Butt of Internet Jokes” (Despite rumors of breast augmentation, Simpson has always insisted her breasts are real.) Compounding the issue, she posted a picture of herself displaying a lot of cleavage, which caused a serious Twitpic backlash. (I myself have a little experience in this department, so I am sympathetic to Simpson and others who are vilified for showing off their figures.) Even Simpson’s own father has weighed in on the issue. In 2004, he told an interviewer, “She’s got double Ds! You can’t cover those suckers up!”

The question I have is: Would everyone be so offended and insulted if her breasts were fake? Wouldn’t we celebrate her for showing off her new purchases, as though they were twin Escalades?

By the way, there’s a whole controversy over the way the New York Times altered a photo of Christina Hendricks, making her appear to be heavier than she is. The altered photo is on the left.

Christina Hendricks

Christina Hendricks

But back to Meghan McCain’s point, she does have some experience in this area. This photo of her when it was posted on Twitter caused some controversy. This photo of Jessica Simpson caused some controversy, too.

Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson


Meghan McCain

Meghan McCain

And of course, who can forget Jessica Rabbit.

Jessica Rabbit

Jessica Rabbit

Now, in the great real vs. animated debate, I think most men prefer real.

As for me, to quote my bookie Jimmy-Irish, “If you’ve got the hour glass, I’ve got the time.”

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