Saturday, August 24th, 2019

They’re real, and they’re spectacular


I’m so glad this controversy is over.

Sarah Palin shot down rumors Friday night that she had undergone an operation to receive breast implants.

“Breast implants – did you have them or not, because that’s all over the Internet about you, and the mainstream media,” Greta Van Susteren asked Palin on her Fox News “On the Record” show.

“Boobgate is all over the Internet right now because there’s a lot of, I guess, bored, idle bloggers and reporters with nothing else to talk about,” Palin replied. “No, I have not had implants. I can’t believe that we’re even talking about this.

Of course, there’s only one way to know really for sure.

ELAINE: Oh, right. C’mon, don’t you think they seem a bit too perfect?

JERRY: Yes, they do!

ELAINE: I never knew you were so into breasts. I thought you were a leg man.

JERRY: A leg man? Why would I be a leg man? I don’t need legs. I have legs. Have you ever seen her naked in the locker room?


JERRY: Oh, well, then I can’t accept your testimony. Maybe if you had seen her naked.

ELAINE: I don’t want to see her naked.

JERRY: Well, I do.

ELAINE: Well, that’s your problem.

JERRY: Look, you made the allegation. The least you could do is follow up.

ELAINE: Jerry, what am I gonna do? I’m gonna go in there and spy on her in the sauna?

JERRY: Yes! Go in there! Do a little investigative journalism. I need to know!


[New scene – Jerry and Elaine in Jerry’s apartment.]

ELAINE: So anyway, I stood up to shake her hand, then suddenly I lost my balance and I fell right into her.

JERRY: You fell on her?

ELAINE: I touched ’em.

JERRY: You what?

ELAINE: I…touched…’em.

JERRY: You touched ’em?!

ELAINE: I needed them to help me break my fall! If it hadn’t been for them, I could have really injured myself!


ELAINE: Anyway…they’re real.

JERRY: Excuse me?!

ELAINE: I think they might be real.

JERRY: Oh, what do you know, you have no breast touching experience.

ELAINE: I’ve touched mine!

JERRY: So have I.

ELAINE: Oh, right…I forgot. (smiles)

JERRY: Anyway, touching two breasts doesn’t make you an expert.

ELAINE: Alright, well anyway, I think they’re real. And if they are, I must say they are…spectacular.

JERRY: Aw, what are you doin’ to me? (puts his head down on the counter.)


SIDRA: I can’t believe you sent a woman into the sauna to do that.

JERRY: That was an accident!

SIDRA: I think you’re both mentally ill. (leaves, then opens the door again.) And by the way…they’re real, and they’re spectacular.

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