Saturday, December 10th, 2016

This flu is for the birds

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It’s been a long week for your correspondent. I’ve learned more about Avian Flu than anyone would want to know. I may post more on this at length some time (as I compile my notes) but I’ll just read you a few of my notes from this week:

  • If you don’t die from it, the government is going to tell you what to do and how to run your life.
  • The urban areas are doomed.
  • The suburbs are doomed, too.
  • It will take the young and the healthy first (making me feel better about my three martini and double cheeseburger lunch).
  • There won’t be enough hospital facilities (hear that, Waukesha County Board?) but that’s okay because there won’t be anyone to take care of the sick.
  • There won’t be enough coffins either, but then, there won’t be enough people to bury you either.
  • Oprah is stocking up on can goods.
  • Masks don’t help.
  • Antiviral drugs might not help, and you’ll never have enough anyway even if you start stockpiling them now.
  • Oprah thinks it will be worse than Hurricane Katrina, which was the government’s fault.
  • Oprah is just as likely to die as any poor person.
  • If you don’t die from the flu, you’ll likely starve to death while grain rots in the fields (so much for ethanol production)
  • It’s the end of civilization.
  • But don’t panic.

Only a few of the above comments are exaggerations.
Correction: Looking through my notes again, only one of the above is an exaggeration. It’s been a dismal week.

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