Tuesday, December 6th, 2016

Vodka stockpiling

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A friend of mine was kind enough to alert me to a possible crisis. As a result, blogging may be light the next couple of days while I go from liquor store to liquor store stocking up on Stolichnaya Vodka.

A bureaucratic mess in Russia’s tax system has brought most of the country’s legal vodka production to a halt.

A law which came into effect on Friday requires bottles of Russian-produced wines and spirits to carry regional as well as federal excise stamps.

But the regional stamps have not yet been produced, and the equipment needed to attach them to the bottles has not been made.

See the bad things that happen when you start taxing food staples like vodka? Shortages!

I demand the governor convene a special session of the state legislature to deal with this problem, as it clearly affects a middle class working family. After all, if Jim Doyle really cares about middle class families, he better start with mine. If I don’t have my 5:30pm martini this evening, the governor and the state legislature will be responsible. After all, they’re supposed to take care of me and my needs, dammit.

And I fully expect the state government to keep a watchful eye on the liquor stores to make sure there is no price gouging or profiteering as a result of this shortage. (Note: don’t assign this to the State Attorney General’s office. Not a good idea.) If I see the price go above $25/bottle, I demand a windfall profit tax to fund, I dunno, something, oh yeah, The Wigderson Library & Pub’s new wing housing the study of the manufacture of martinis.

I want hearings! I want vodka executives to come to Wisconsin bearing samples! And olives! Lotsa olives!

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