Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

Walker decides against re-election run

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Governor Scott Walker made a surprise announcement today, April 1st, that he will not seek re-election. Walker told the stunned members of the capital press corps, all three of them, that he will instead pursue a career as an Indian Casino gaming manager.

“After studying and studying the casino business for the last year trying to decide whether to allow a casino to be built in Kenosha, I developed a strong interest for the business. At this point, there is nobody inside or outside government that knows more about the casino business than I do.”

Walker said he will be taking a position managing in a new tribal casino out of state,”but not too far away from Wisconsin.”

He declined to say where, but strongly hinted it would be in Illinois.  “It turns out there is a lot of pent up demand for gambling along the Wisconsin-Illinois border. Who knew?”

Walker said he’s even been practicing his new gambling techniques with members of the legislature. “I took Robin’s whole share of the tax cut last night dealing blackjack in the Speaker’s office.”

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