Sunday, November 19th, 2017

Warning, Mother’s Day approaching


Just a friendly reminder to my male readers that tomorrow is Mother’s Day. Please make sure to have all cards, flowers and gifts in hand before tomorrow morning.

One of my favorite columns for the Waukesha Freeman is one I wrote back in 2007 on the approach of Mother’s Day.

Fortunately for me, my wife has low expectations for Mother’s Day.

My wife does not believe that breakfast in bed is a reward for Mom. The idea of trying to balance a breakfast tray while the children are bouncing on the bed is horrifying enough. Add the likely quality of the breakfast (scrambled eggs that crunch, cold toast, raw breakfast sausage, nearly fermented orange juice found in the back of the refrigerator) and the food competition with two large dogs, and my wife starts thumbing through Dante’s Inferno to find out in which circle of hell she’s landed.

Then she’ll adjourn to the kitchen to discover Dad and the children had attempted to make chocolate chip pancakes first, but that ended in failure (though it does explain the sugar-wired children with brown faces). The sink is newly filled with more dishes than the mess tent for Patton’s army. The stove has a mixture of instant batter and the eggs from breakfast, mixed with milk and syrup to form a concrete-like substance that might require dynamite.

So the past few years, I’ve made the decision that “the family will take Mom to brunch.” My wife is a good sport and goes along with it, knowing I mean well.

Will I make the reservation ahead of time? No, of course not. So when I tell my wife at 7 a.m. it’s time to get up, I have a ready explanation. “I need your help to get the kids ready for the earlier Mass so we can take you to brunch. We’ll get to the restaurant just in time for it to open so we won’t have to wait for a table.”

My wife knows waking the kids early will only result in them screaming while getting dressed, screaming in the car, screaming through church and then screaming during brunch. They will fall asleep on the way home just long enough to recharge the batteries to prevent a well-deserved nap by Mom later that afternoon.

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