Thursday, December 8th, 2016

Waukesha’s leaf riots

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Aldermanic district seven erupted in flames overnight as rake-wielding peasants with large yards filled the streets with dried leaves and set them afire whenever a city-owned vehicle attempted to pass through. They chanted, “No leaf pick-up, no peace!” as they burned pictures of the mayor’s Crocs. “Hey, Hey, ho, ho, bagging leaves has got to go!” Residents were so upset over the early leaf pick-ups in their district that any trees planted by the city between the sidewalk and the streets that still had their leaves were cut down with chain saws, doused with gasoline, and set ablaze.

Alderman Peggy Bull was quoted as saying, “Maybe we should have moved the fire stations to decrease the response time. “

“Oh, the humanity!” the mayor cried shortly before ordering the cannons manned at Cutler Park to defend the Taj Ma Larry Library. Then Steve Crandell whispered something to the mayor. “Oh, never mind. Someone get Pewaukee Mayor Scott Klein on the phone! We need reinforcements!”

“He’s at Frame Park with his watercolor set,” said Ron Grall. “He’s trying to capture what the new stadium is going to look like blotting out the fall colors from view.”

“Scott Klein doodles while district 7 burns?” Nelson asked. “Who’s writing this?”

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