Wednesday, September 28th, 2016

Who will Tom Barrett fire?

9

As we all know by now, highly-paid political campaign professionals in charge of a campaign’s communications never make a mistake when linking to a video on the internet. And certainly not two highly-paid, important, campaign professionals, especially when dealing with an important issue.

After all, according to Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett, if two campaign staffers are involved, it must’ve been intentional.

You don’t have two people, two high ranking people in your campaign send out the same tweet and say it was an accident because it wasn’t an accident,” he said.

And if it’s impossible on Twitter, where a “tweet” is just a click away, imagine how impossible it would have been for Barrett’s two staff members to include the wrong link to a video in a press release.

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Especially when the “wrong” video is  “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne.

Not just once…

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Not just twice…

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But three times!

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What coded message could Barrett’s campaign be possibly sending with this Ozzy Osbourne video? I’ll admit I don’t have as finely tuned antennae as Scot Ross of One Wisconsin Now for conspiracy theories. However, there are a few reasonable theories if we apply the same type of reasoning as that used by Barrett’s campaign, the Democratic Party, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel columnist Eugene Kane, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel editorial board, Lena Taylor, and Keith Olbermann.

1) Barrett’s campaign was making fun of mental illness.
2) Barrett’s campaign was trying to send a coded message to his PETA supporters that, unless they help his campaign, devil-worshipping heavy metal fans are going to attack their pet rodents.
3) Barrett’s campaign was trying to make fun of people who mumble.
4) Barrett’s campaign was trying to make fun of people with addiction problems.
5) Barrett’s campaign was trying to send a coded message to his African American supporters that unprofitable black radio stations will be forced to play heavy metal under Scott Walker.
6) Barrett’s campaign was sending a coded message that Republicans will knock trains “off the rails” unless he’s elected.
7) Barrett’s campaign was sending a coded message that they think their boss’ support for “high-speed” rail between Milwaukee and Madison is pretty stupid, too.

There may have been other coded messages in there, but I don’t know how to play YouTube videos backwards.

Since this could not possibly be an accident (as Barrett has conveniently explained), I fully expect to see Barrett on his front porch tomorrow morning solemnly intoning about the inexcusability of his campaign’s message, and that he will personally hold his staff accountable. After making fun of the mentally ill, people with speech impediments, non-vegetarian bat-eaters, drug addicts, Satan worshipers, and heavy metal fans, it’s the very least Barrett can do. I’m looking forward to watching the press conference on every television station in the city, and listening to the discussion on Wisconsin Public Radio.

Barrett better hurry before Keith Olbermann denounces him as the worst… person…

…in the WORLD!!!

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