Tuesday, November 21st, 2017

Zielinski announces no more half crazy statements


Wisconsin Democratic Party Spokesman Graeme Zielinski announced this morning that he will no longer make half-crazy remarks about Republicans and the media. Speaking to an empty press room Saturday, Zielinski released a recording of his statement.

“No more half-c-c-c-crazy for me. From now on, it’s all-c-c-c-crazy, all-the-time. I’m going to make Ozzy Osbourne biting the head off of a bat look like a trip to Mc-c-c-c-Donald’s.”

Zielinski, a critic of his former employer The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, said, “If they thought I went c-c-c-crazy before about Politifact, wait until the prank c-c-c-calls and the dead rabbits left on their doorsteps. I will expose how WTMJ controls minds through people’s fillings and the fascists on the editorial page are c-c-c-covering it up.”

“I will go completely psycho whup-ass on Media Trak-k-k-k-kers if I ever meet them. I will go completely C-c-c-Colonel K-k-k-Kurz on the Mac-c-c-c-Iver Institute.”

“God will not let them disenfranchise the voices in my head.”

Zielinski explained what he is doing to go from making half-crazy statements to full-fledged crazy.

“I’ve given up sleep. I gave it up for lent, and I will not sleep until Walk-k-k-k-ker has been re-c-c-c-called. No sleep. Sleep is when they get you. Sleep is when they find you. Sleep is when they suppress you. No sleep is what demo-c-c-c-cracy looks like.”


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