Saturday, July 20th, 2019

If you thought my predictions were bad, imagine how the Mayans feel


Each year I make a list of predictions, and each year we examine where I went wrong. Unfortunately the end of the Mayan calendar did not mean the end of the world, so we have 50 predictions to sort through. It might be easier to don the sackcloth and walk barefoot through Canterbury while being flogged by monks. (I’m told in Las Vegas that costs extra.)

So let’s take a look at those predictions. The outcomes clearly oversampled Democrats.

1. Former Governor Tommy Thompson will be the next senator from Wisconsin. There. I said it.

And I was wrong.

2. Graeme Zielinski will bite the head off of a bat the night Governor Scott Walker wins the recall election. Animal rights activists will blame Walker.

Have you seen Zielinksi’s Twitter feed since the recall? It’s like reading the letters that sent Martin Sheen upriver in Apocalypse Now.

3. The Republicans will lose control of the state senate in the recalls but regain control in November.

I have a prediction for John Lehman in 2014.

4. Both voter ID and the state’s legislative redistricting will stand up in court.

Redistricting had one minor correction, and we’re still waiting on voter id.

5. People Magazine will name me, “The Sexiest Man Alive.”

Missed it by that much.

6. A member of the state legislature will be arrested for operating under the influence following a serious accident.

I’m happy this morbid prediction didn’t come true.

7. The Freedom From Religion Foundation will sue to have the Declaration of Independence banned from public schools because of references to “God” and “Creator” and “Supreme Judge.”

I’m a little premature.

8. Governor Scott Walker will get to appoint a member of the state supreme court. Liberals will suddenly decide they like judicial elections.

The second part is currently true, considering how the left is gearing up to try to defeat Justice Roggensack.

9. Former Dane County Executive Kathleen Falk will be the Democratic nominee for governor in the recall election. Tom Barrett, Herb Kohl, JoAnne Kloppenburg, Dave Obey, Ron Kind, and Steve Kagen will not run.

I predict now that Barrett will not make a fourth attempt. None of the others will run in 2014.

10. Ed Garvey will complain about Kathleen Falk’s inability to run an effective statewide campaign, and he’ll complain Congressman Tammy Baldwin is not listening to his advice on how to beat Tommy Thompson.

Turns out Kathleen Falk is incapable of running a statewide campaign.

11. WISN’s Mark Belling will make more money betting at the track than working for the radio station.

Not quite what Belling hoped for. Maybe next year.

12. The Great TV Auction on Channel 10 in Milwaukee will not raise as much money and the quality of the donations will be down. MATC will announce by the end of the year that they are selling the warehouse and cancelling the auction for 2013.

No. Some of the goofiest items for sale will still have a home on television.

13. State Representative Mark Pocan will be the next congressman from Dane County.

In the words of Darth Vader, all too easy.

14. Paul Ryan, Ron Kind, Gwen Moore, Reid Ribble, Tom Petri, Jim Sensenbrenner, and Sean Duffy will all win re-election.

You’d have an easier time removing the faces from Mt Rushmore with a toothpick.

15. The margin for president in Wisconsin will be closer than in 2004.


16. Nationally, Mitt Romney will defeat Barack Obama in November with 315 Electoral College votes.

Oy vey.

17. Waukesha County Clerk Kathy Nickolaus will have another error in another election that makes headlines. She will lose the Republican primary. She’ll blame the media for everything.

There was a screw-up. County Executive Dan Vrakas tried shoving her aside. Nickolaus did not run for re-election.

18. Protestors will still continue to gather in the Capitol without permits and will still continue to disrupt the building without penalty.

There’s a new Capitol Police Chief in town, fortunately.

19. Dan Bice will sing the “Gossip Girls” song from Hee Haw on YouTube.

I was wrong. He’ll even repeat gossip.

20. Somebody will hurt themselves riding a bicycle over the Hoan Bridge. They’ll blame me.

Fortunately, no. But I’m being blamed if you don’t want to ride your bike in winter.

21. Herman Cain will remember meeting someone of the opposite sex.


22. The proposed trolley for downtown Milwaukee will be shelved as too expensive. Barrett will propose using the money to buy “express vans” to get people to work. Waukesha County will offer to sell their vans to Milwaukee for a profit.

Pardon me boys, but is that the cash-burning choo-choo?

I’m wrong but I should have been right.

23. Ron Paul will say something crazy. He will also not run as a third-party candidate, instead choosing to run for re-election to his House seat.

Crazy, check. No 3rd party, check. Retirement.

24. Dennis Kucinich’s congressional career will end with a loss in the Democratic Primary to Marcy Kaptur.

Who will Tammy Baldwin find in the House to sponsor the bill to create the Department of Peace?

25. More Republicans will find something else to do other than hope Congressman Jim Sensenbrenner retires.

Rich Zipperer joined the Walker Administration.

26. A member of the legislature or the Walker Administration will be injured in a physical assault in Madison. Nobody will be charged.

Thank goodness I was wrong.

27. KISS’s Gene Simmons will appear at the Republican National Convention and endorse Mitt Romney. Then he’ll teach Romney how to spit fire during the debates.

It would have been cool. Not sure if Mormons can drink kerosene.

28. The proposed convention center in the city of Waukesha will die because of the required “public investment.”

It really is dead. Just waiting on the eulogy. One of the few things Mayor Jeff Scrima got right.

29. Carroll University will change its name back to Carroll College.

Some of the signage still says, “college.” Makes you wonder…

30. City of Milwaukee Police Chief Ed Flynn and Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke will arrest each other. Because Flynn’s radio will fail and Flynn’s de-emphasis on response times, Clarke’s deputies will arrive first to provide backup. Flynn will escape from the County Jail by smuggling in an entire hardware store past the deputies.

I was closer than I thought I would be with this one.

31. It’s not a question of “if” as it is “how much?” Republicans will control the US Senate with a 55 seat majority.

What? Dick Morris was wrong?

32. City of Waukesha Mayor Jeff Scrima will appear in the city of Waukesha Christmas Parade as a giant balloon parade float paid for by his New Day for Waukesha fund.

There was definitely hot air involved with his absence from the Christmas parade.

33. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel will start featuring “Page 3” girls in the print edition.

They didn’t – and circulation is down.

34. Milwaukee County Executive Chris Abele will give his re-election victory speech in iambic pentameter.

I couldn’t tell over the screaming from the County Board members that Abele is a fascist who is out to get them.

35. Winning in Republican primaries in Wisconsin will be practically impossible without a concealed-carry weapons permit.

Do they all have one yet?

36. There will be no criminal convictions of anyone currently serving in the Walker Administration as a result of the John Doe probe.

Nope. Not a one.

37. Former Congresssman Mark Neumann will finish third in the voting when the Republican Party’s state convention endorses a candidate for governor.

He finished second after attempting to pack the hall. The winner was, “anybody but Mark Neumann.”

38. The mining bill will pass the legislature with few changes.

Good lord. You would think Democrats would want more union jobs in their districts.

39. Former Waukesha Mayor Larry Nelson will win a seat on the Waukesha County Board. He’ll wear his red Crocs on election night.

Agree or disagree with County Supervisor Larry Nelson, he’s always got something interesting to say.

40. Milwaukee Magazine’s Bruce Murphy will find something nice to say about talk radio.

Um, nope. C’mon Bruce. Radio “squawker?” Even a “cheap shop” blogger has higher standards than that.

41. Milwaukee Brewers will finish in third place in their division with an 80-82 record.

Third place, 83-79.

42. “Co-sleeping” infant deaths will go up in the city of Milwaukee.

Ten this year (so far), eleven last year.

43. Peter Jackson’s “The Hobbit” will be the biggest film event of 2012.

It helps that the other movies were so good.

44. Former Senator Russ Feingold will be on the “short list” to replace Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Nobody seems to be going anywhere yet.

45. Ryan Braun will not escape serving a 50 game suspension.

Christian Schneider named Braun’s escaping a penalty the biggest surprise of 2012. It’s definitely on the list.

46. The JS Everywhere pay wall will be a success.

They claim print subscribers are moving to digital.

47. Senator Ron Johnson will do more good in 2012 than former Senator Russ Feingold did in his entire career.

Oh, like that was a high bar to go over. The difference between Feingold and Herb Kohl? The milk barn.

48. A bill will be introduced to allow 24 hour beer sales at gas stations, convenience stores and grocery stores.

Not yet.

49. Assembly Minority Leader Peter Barca will use language not allowed on television to complain about Speaker Pro Tem Bill Kramer. Kramer will ask Barca to repeat it for the record.

Plenty of opportunities next session, I’m sure.

50. California will kill their high speed rail project. Wisconsin liberals will blame Scott Walker.

Not yet, but the project is in trouble.

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