Monday, August 26th, 2019

Mascot madness


With passage by the State Senate of a ban on offensive Native American nicknames for Wisconsin’s Public Schools, the state legislature is a step closer to finally restoring peace between Native Americans and the White Devil.  On to the Assembly to rescue us from naming anything even remotely after Native Americans – except for casinos.

When reached for comment, Congressman Steve Kagen expressed surprise.  “Honest Injun?” he said.

Our friend and fellow blogger StB already has his sights set on the first offensive nickname he would like to eliminate:

See, I attended Madison High School in Milwaukee. Our rival was Vincent High School. The VincentVikings to be exact. Is that not a race-based name? Let me serve notice now that I find it to be very offensive! Why? Because my forefathers who came from Germany had to live under tyrannical Viking rule centuries ago and I am pretty sure I had a grandfather that could have been killed by a Viking. It haunts me to this day thinking a relative of mine from centuries ago was brutally murdered by a violent Viking. Ok, so that may not be true. Maybe it is that my high school usually lost in football and basketball to them. But think about it. I am not even a student, but I could claim to be offended by the nickname. Now that I read it again, I do not even need to provide a reason why I am offended. So I encourage any student at Madison High School to jump aboard the bandwagon and complain on my behalf.

Aha! As a graduate of proud Harold S Vincent High School, not only did we beat our arch-rival Madison at sports, but we probably beat them in the all-important arrests and truancy categories as well.

As for his school, Milwaukee Madison, they had the highly offensive nickname, “Knights.” Just absolutely disgusting how offensive that name is to so many minorities, especially Arab students who might suffer from PTHGS, or Post-Traumatic Historical Grievance Syndrome, after the cruel Crusades invaded their ancestral homelands. It’s a wonder the sensitivity police are not picketing the school right now demanding a name change. Given the Christian connotations of the nickname, I’m sure the Freedom From Religion Foundation would swiftly join any complaint.

Aha! Alumni of the two schools have a common enemy, Custer High School, as pointed out by WISN-AM’s Mark Belling this afternoon. Custer is not only the general that led genocidal war against Native Americans on the frontier, but the school’s nickname is the Indians. Is this a sick joke? While a lesser rival (a much lesser rival, if memory serves), their stadium was host to both Madison and Vincent High Schools’ home football games. It’s amazing the damn thing wasn’t called Little Bighorn. Fortunately, none of the students will ever graduate with enough knowledge of American History to be offended.

Of course, the real farce of this whole exercise is how the Democrats will hold the schools more accountable for the nickname of the football team than whether the teachers can teach and the students are educated.

One would think with the passage of this legislation that all of the education problems in Wisconsin will be solved. But the only penalty any school in Wisconsin faces for not teaching a kid to read is frustrated parents seeking escape to a better school for their kid – if one can be found. Imagine if the state imposed a $1000/day penalty for every school in a district that fails to teach a student attending class that day. How quickly would school administrators scramble to find out why Johnny can’t read – after the administrators complained about how unjust it is to be held to a standard of performance.

Perhaps when they ban “Trojan” from the schools as needlessly offensive to Turkish students for cruelly reminding them of the invasion by Homeric Greeks, we can remember why schools were actually created rather than as publicly-funded condom dispensaries.

As for worrying about offending Native Americans and other minority groups, surely the Democrats have some explaining to do with their continued celebrations of Jefferson-Jackson Day Dinners? Do they serve a Trail of Tears dessert tray? How about Monticello Plantation Soup as an appetizer?

In the meantime, I’d like to report the name “Milwaukee Public Schools” as offensive to schools everywhere. The $1000/day could be used to reimburse offended taxpayers across the state who have had to foot the bill for failure for too long.

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