Saturday, August 24th, 2019

Super Bowl thoughts


“I could spend the morning curing diabetes and I’ll remember it as the second most important thing that happened today.” – Christian Schneider

“This morning I used Suave shampoo and felt somehow connected to Clay Matthews…in a small and rather pathetic way.” – Charlie Sykes

I’ve never met anyone making annual pilgrimages to Heinz Field. – Kevin Binversie

Let’s win one for the Gipper today – Happy Birthday Ronald Reagan! – State Senator Leah Vukmir

The good news is that James Wigderson will, at least, be wearing a green shirt today. – The Lovely Doreen from Waukesha

“I started making money on football when I stopped betting on football.” – bookie Jimmy Irish

“If it’s the ultimate game, how come they’re playing it again next year?” – Dallas Cowboys running back Duane Thomas

Not only are you required to watch the game, but you’re required to eat green and gold food, wear green and gold, and eat cheese. If you don’t, the Wisconsin natives will sacrifice you to the football gods before consuming more beer. It’s kinda like St Patrick’s Day, except participation is mandatory.

If I did a survey of my reading audience, 90% would be Packer fans, 3% would be Cowboys fans, 3% would be Bears fans, 1% are some other team, and the rest are surfing for porn pictures of Jessica Rabbit.

Okay, it’s highly likely that the Bears fans are searching for porn pictures of Jessica Rabbit, too.

Meanwhile, I’ll just direct the Washington Redskins fans to this site so the adults can talk. (While we’re at it, somebody lock the cage on the Eagles fans.)

I’m not going to get into the whole, “Who is America’s Team?” debate. As you may be aware, I am something of a classic film buff, and if NFL Films says the Cowboys are America’s team, I gotta believe it. I saw it at the movies.

So welcome Packer fans to the Taj Ma Jerry, a stadium fit for champions. Someday the Ego that built a stadium will field the appropriate team to go with it.

(By the way, I’m surprised the local Democrats didn’t blame Governor Scott Walker for the ice falling off of the Cowboys’ stadium. They must be still recovering from the legislative blitz of the Walker team.)

Time for some thoughts on the actual game.

Experience counts, but it’s not the only thing that matters. If the worst controversy of the Super Bowl warm-up was the team photo, then the Packers are in relatively good shape. Over on the Steelers side, Ben Roethlisberger is just a little too experienced, if you catch the meaning. Thanks for providing distractions for your team, idiot.

No, this game will not be decided by the off-the-field stories, but the on-the-field play. The cliché of this game getting decided by turnovers probably applies, but that doesn’t explain anything, does it?

Unfortunately for the Packers, NFL teams that win in the Super Bowl usually have some sort of running game. The Packers have some running plays, but not a running game. While lining up BJ Raji at the goal line is a cute gimmick, wouldn’t it be better to actually have a running back that could run it in?

Meanwhile, I’m going to say something that Pittsburgh fans don’t want to hear, but it’s true. Ben Roethlisberger is overrated at quarterback. Really. He’s closer to Trent Dilfer than he is to Terry Bradshaw. Come to think of it, I bet Bradshaw could beat out Roethlisberger for the starting position right now.

If they are any mistakes on the quarterback, it won’t be the one wearing green and gold, unless Aaron Rodgers is knocked out of the game.

Where the Packers are in real trouble is the kicking game. It’s pretty easy when all you’re counting on your kicker to do is kick extra points. But if the game is on the line at the end, will the Packers find themselves going for a 4th down conversion rather than attempting a game-winning field goal because they can’t depend on the kicker?

The point spread is the Packers by three. It sounds like the money is saying the Packers are going to win, but Packer fans are notorious over-bettors. They can walk a line 2-3 points because they’ve had lots of practice. (That’s a drunk driving joke, for those of you in Cudahy.)

However, I think this time the money has it right. I think the bookies in this town are going to take a beating and the Packers should cover the spread. I’m guessing 24-20 for a Packer victory. The over-under on field goal attempts hitting the goal posts is two.

Note: I’m adding fun quotes above as we go along.

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