Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

What to expect when you’re election expecting


Phil Connors: Excuse me, where is everybody going?
Fan on Street: To Gobbler’s Knob. It’s Groundhog Day.
Phil Connors: It’s still just once a year, isn’t it?

So it’s Election Day… again. And Governor Scott Walker is on the ballot… again.

Phil: Do you ever have déjà vu, Mrs. Lancaster?
Mrs. Lancaster: I don’t think so, but I could check with the kitchen.

Walker’s opponent is a retread from the Doyle Administration who, it turns out, has no actual experience doing much of anything except possibly getting fired from the family business. As Rick Esenberg pointed out, if Mary Burke gets elected and actually serves for four years before taking her next snowboard sabbatical, it will be the longest she’s actually worked without an extended interruption.

Meanwhile, Walker’s been through this before. He was elected in 2010 and the Democrats demanded a do-over in 2012. Somebody should get the Democrats on record promising to not try another recall campaign in 2014.

Phil: There is no way that this winter is *ever* going to end as long as this groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don’t see any other way out. He’s got to be stopped. And I have to stop him.

So what can we expect today? The media will complain about all of the money spent on the race. Some early exit poll data will be leaked showing Mary Burke ahead. Democratic Party Chairman Mike Tate will predict a Burke win and a criminal indictment of Walker. The city of Waukesha will be slow reporting their results. I’ll have to track down a rumor of a screw up in the Town of Waukesha. (Memo to self: Put Town Chairman John Marek on speed dial.) When the election results come in, Mike Tate will accuse Republicans of racist voter suppression and “fixing” the vote in Waukesha County. The exit polls will not match the actual vote totals. Democrats will start the conspiracy theories.

Phil: I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank piña coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters. *That* was a pretty good day. Why couldn’t I get *that* day over, and over, and over…

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