Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Wigderson and his critics

3

Yeah, well, you knew it was too quiet. The Sound Offs in the Waukesha Freeman attacking me are real winners. Just when I think I wrote a really good column, too.

WMH, Freeman columnists

I am calling to personally thank those fabulous senior citizens that volunteer their time at Waukesha Memorial Hospital. I cannot say enough good about those people. They are fantastic and they make things a lot easier at the hospital. And also I want to thank the staff at Waukesha Memorial Hospital and all those wonderful doctors and nurses and that includes everybody at the hospital. I always said, if you are gonna get sick, there is no better place to go than Waukesha Memorial Hospital.

I also want to thank The Freeman writers ­ and that’s quite a list here ­ and that includes Owen Robinson, Ann Coulter, Mark Belling, Jessica McBride, Tom Sowell, Ben Carson, Victor Hanson, John Stossel, Michelle Malkin, Todd (Robert) Murphy, and there is particularly one I will not thank, and this guy I don’t have to mention his name. I am just saying he is a big bully.

James Poirior, Waukesha

 What really hurt about this Sound Off? Poirior not only prefers Owen Robinson, but he mentioned Owen Robinson first. Making it worse, the next time I’m beating Jessica McBride badly at Words with Friends she’ll probably remind me of this Sound Off. Despite his low opinion of moi, I hope he has a speedy recovery.

Wigderson Dear Freeman staff,

Please don’t subject your readers to the mundane, sophomoric dribble of a column written by James Wigderson. Enough! I don’t want to read about the Lovely Doreen from Waukesha or about his kids. This guy is no Garrison Keillor. In fact, his Scrima-bashing makes him sound more like a bully. It’s getting to the point where the only reason to receive The Freeman is to check the death notices to see who passed away. Give Mark Belling a call. See if he can’t do two columns a week. At least Mark has something relevant to say, whether you agree with him or not.

Natalie LeMere, Delafield

It’s been a quiet week in Delafield. The local elections are finally over. I understand one of the candidates could not figure out our state’s campaign finance laws and thought he didn’t have to file. There was a little trouble over that but it worked itself out.

Natalie LeMere was so upset with one of the local newspaper columnists that she called to complain. She even called the columnist a bully, which wasn’t very Lutheran-like, because he didn’t like the mayor of a city where she doesn’t live. She was so annoyed with his latest column she was reading it for the third time when she accidentally burned her Bebop-a-reebop Rhubarb Pie. She didn’t understand why a column about the writer’s wife and kids attending the swearing-in of the new mayor upset her so much. After all, it wasn’t her mayor he was writing about. These were the good years. So why did a newspaper column about a nervous child reciting the national anthem get Natalie so angry?

Finally, her husband said to her, “Natalie, we need to talk about the shredded newspaper in the kitchen. Was there some disturbing news that you want to talk to me about?”

“Jim, it’s just when I read that James Wigderson I can’t help thinking about how he criticized poor Jeff Scrima week after week after week.It’s just so unfair. Why can’t they run more columns by Mark Belling?”

“Natalie, you know Mark criticized Jeff, too. And so did Charlie, and Jay.”

“But not every week, Jim. It was just so awful.”

“Natalie, it doesn’t take Guy Noir to figure out you’re just not yourself when you read the newspaper on Thursdays. Maybe you should have more ketchup in your diet. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help combat feelings of uncontrolled anger towards newspaper columnists. Plus extra endorphins, to help you remember the good times with Jeff Scrima. How about a nice hamburger for dinner, with some extra ketchup.”

“Oh Jim, I forgot about ketchup. But from now on, I’ll remember ketchup before I read the Waukesha Freeman.”

“That’s good, Natalie. In the meantime, read some Chris Kuhagen. He’s light and fluffy, just like a Powdermilk Biscuit. He always makes you feel better.”

So that’s the cranky opinion from Delafield, where all of the Bloody Marys are strong, all the yards are good looking, and all of the housing prices are above average.

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