Sunday, December 4th, 2016

I’m sick

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My cold has gotten worse. Which means I get to go see the quack again.

“Doctor”: So how’s your high blood pressure?
Me: I never had high blood pressure.
“Doctor”: Oh, yeah. (Pretends to write something on my chart.) So what’s the trouble?
Me: I’ve had a cold for over a week, and it’s getting worse.
“Doctor”: Sinus infection. And you have an ear infection. Take this, this and this. And I’m glad to see you’re keeping your blood pressure under control.
Me: Hey Doc, you ever read my column in the Waukesha Freeman?
“Doctor”: No, I’m sorry, I usually skip the advice columns.

Of course, there are some upsides to being sick. Like sympathy from my wife:

What do you mean you’re staying home sick today? I’ve got a lot to do. If you think I’m taking care of you AND the kids AND running my business today, YOU’RE CRAZY. And the kids better not get sick, too. Do you think I get to lay in bed all day when I’m sick? Who do you think watches the kids while you’re at work?

“Yes, dear.”

Then there’s the wonderful tasting orange medicine. I think I would prefer what Socrates drank for the last time.

The sound of my children playing quietly to allow Daddy to get better. “Daddy! She started it! I tried to keep her out of my room!” “DA DA!”

The daytime television. “Okay, let’s see, Daddy can watch the news, or…” “WE WANT HEFFALUMP!” “Okay, but I think maybe this one day…” “HEFFALUMP! AND THEN HALLOWEEN HEFFALUMP! And then JAY JAY THE JET PLANE!”

The home-cooked meal for lunch. “There’s hot dogs in the ‘fridge.”

I miss the office.

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