Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Lawn bait


State Representative Bill Kramer’s office is sending out a handy-dandy mailer to all of his supporters letting them know that if they had a yard sign of his in the past, they can expect another yard sign this week. (The Lovely Doreen from Waukesha asks that her sign be placed away from the Halloween decorations.)

Right now Dawn “Crazy Nurse” Carruss is leading in the election because she has six yard signs up and Kramer has none. After this coming weekend, I suspect Kramer will close the yard sign gap and the margin will reflect the more likely election outcome.

It’s a timely reminder that once it’s again it’s yard sign season. Remember the rule in Wisconsin: if you get caught illegally taking two yard signs, the third one is free.

(Don’t quote me on that. I’m not your attorney.)

The purposes of the political yard signs are well known, but we’ll go over them again.
1) To be stolen, so the candidate’s supporters can complain to the newspaper the opponent is a thug.
2) To be stolen, so the police officer taking the report can hear the candidate’s name over and over again.
3) To be stolen, because you don’t dislike your neighbor with the other candidate’s sign nearly enough.
4) To be stolen, because campaign staff have nothing better to do than drive all over replacing stolen yard signs.
5) To show your support for your favorite candidate so “Phen-Phen substitute,” “Tax Refund Now” and “Rummage Sale” don’t win as write-ins.

I personally don’t understand why anyone would steal a political yard sign. What do you do with it once you have it? Stick it in your own lawn?

I guess I would understand if someone did something creative like steal a Russ Feingold yard sign and stuck it in front of the local porn shop or strip bar. Not that I would condone such a thing, of course, but at least there would be some purpose to taking the yard sign, especially if they decorated it with women’s underwear and e-mailed me the picture. But of course this is all hypothetical because doing that to a Feingold sign, while childishly funny, would be terribly wrong. I would be forced to turn over the e-mail address to the police unless, of course, the person sending me the picture used a fake e-mail address. Then I wouldn’t know what to do except post the picture and ask my readers if they knew who did it.

So, let me summarize:

Yard signs are meant to be stolen, but please don’t steal any yard signs, even Russ Feingold’s to use for funny pictures that you want to send me anonymously.

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