Sunday, December 4th, 2016

Pluto is the coolest planet

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Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Please! Remain in your seats, I beg you! We are not children here, we are scientists! I assure you there is nothing to fear!

The world waits while scientists gathered in Prague debate the fate of Pluto, the ninth planet in the solar system. In a Stalinist move, Pluto may be airbrushed from the list of planets because a slightly larger object (nicknamed “Xena”) was found a little further out. Pluto may be demoted to merely a Kuiper Belt object, no more important than all the other rocks and debris floating out there.

Look. The Beatles sang Revolution No. 9, not number 8. I want nine planets!

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