Predictions for 2011
My horoscope says that this year I am going to be more popular than ever.
Your attitude to life is remarkably open at the moment, and long may it continue. Maybe it’s because Pluto, your ruler, is transiting the most social area of your chart. You’ll be more popular than ever in the coming year.
Pluto is just the coolest planet.
With that in mind, I decided I have nothing to fear from making predictions with reckless abandon for the new year. I was feeling particularly prescient this year and couldn’t contain myself to the twenty or so predictions I usually make every year. This year you get fifty predictions from me.
As always, the predictions are made in no particular order, and they are for entertainment purposes only. Please, no wagering.
Okay, here we go…
- Paul Soglin will be elected Mayor of Madison.
- Jeff Stone will be elected Milwaukee County Executive.
- Dane County Board Chairman Scott McDonell will be elected as the next Dane County Executive.
- Rumors will start of a possible senate candidacy in 2012 for Waukesha County Executive Dan Vrakas, even if I have to start them.
- Former Governor Jim Doyle will not be offered a job by the Obama Administration.
- Senator Herb Kohl will announce for re-election, disappointing progressives.
- David Obey will become a lobbyist.
- Russ Feingold will complain Senator Herb Kohl’s State Fair Milk Stand is a violation of campaign finance laws.
- Reince Priebus will be elected as the next chairman of the Republican National Committee.
- At least one member of the state legislature will be in a serious drunk driving accident causing injury or death.
- Waukesha’s Great Lakes water application will be approved by the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources.
- Herman Cain will win the 2011 CPAC straw poll for president.
- Enrollment caps will be lifted on the Milwaukee school choice plan and on virtual schools.
- The movie version of Atlas Shrugged will bomb at the box office.
- President Barack Obama will agree to lift the moratorium on drilling in ANWR.
- Christine O’Donnell will be indicted for misuse of election funds.
- The population at Guantanamo Bay prison (Club Gitmo) will go up.
- Megan McCain will say something so stupid that she will be given her own program on MSNBC.
- Thin will be “out.”
- Hillary Clinton will not resign. Lawyers for Bill Clinton will argue that the 22nd Amendment only applies to consecutive terms, and that he is eligible to run for president again.
- Deprived of his congressional seat by redistricting, Dennis Kucinich will announce a challenge to Obama in the Democratic primaries.
- Hawaii will make a profit selling Barack Obama’s birth certificate.
- Ann Coulter will join the “No Labels” movement.
- A Democratic blogger, a prominent Democratic activist, or a Democratic politician, will publicly call for the assassination of Governor Scott Walker.
- New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will stop saying no to running for president.
- Sarah Palin will not run for president. However, the “Will she or won’t she?” game will be more annoying than Brett Favre deciding whether to retire.
- There will be a violent incident between US National Guard troops and Mexican army troops along the Mexico border after the local Mexican army decides to protect a group of drug and people smugglers.
- Governor Scott Walker and the legislature will not raid the transportation fund.
- I’m going to join the crowd and predict a Republican sweep of the elections for governor in Kentucky, Louisiana and Mississippi.
- The Atlantic will finally fire Andrew Sullivan.
- Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett will appear on a milk carton.
- One Wisconsin Now’s Scot Ross will switch from poop jokes to urine jokes.
- Justice David Prosser will easily win re-election.
- A female celebrity at a major awards show will wear a dress that completely exposes her breasts.
- Waukesha Mayor Jeff Scrima will stop donating to the New Day for Waukesha Fund.
- Mike Tate will win re-election as Democratic Party of Wisconsin chairman
- Former Governor Jim Doyle will join a personal injury law firm
- Wisconsin’s smoking ban will not be repealed.
- There will be a terrorist attack on a major sporting event.
- The Milwaukee Brewers will finish second in their division with a record of 85-77.
- A television reality star will commit suicide after an embarrassing television moment.
- KISS will be elected to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
- Rush Limbaugh will have his best ratings year ever.
- Keith Olbermann will call President Barack Obama the “Worst Person in the World.”
- An amendment to the state constitution to eliminate the position of state treasurer will pass for the first time in the legislature, putting it halfway to being sent to the voters for approval.
- More communities in Waukesha County will contract with the sheriff’s department for police protection, eager for the savings achieved in Pewaukee and Lisbon. Other counties will begin to seriously look at the success of the program in Waukesha.
- The biggest obstacle for Scott Walker will not be the Democrats, but liberal Republicans in the State Senate.
- The Nickelodeon Channel will decide they can make even more money by having SpongeBob breed through mitosis.
- President Obama will finally find a member of congress that he can demonize – Senator Harry Reid.
- There will be a vacancy on the US Supreme Court this year.