Thursday, October 27th, 2016

The Gore breakup


I swore I was not going to comment on former Vice President Al Gore’s separation from his wife, Tipper. After all, there’s a part of me that says any marriage break-up is a tragedy. But then it occurred to me why they finally broke up after all these years. Here then are the top ten reasons for the Al and Tipper Gore break-up.

10. Tipper caught Al with Ozzy Osbourne on his iPod.

9. Al got tired of Tipper saying, “It’s a little cold in here. Al, could you turn up the global warming?”

8. Tipper tried selling Al’s Nobel Prize on Ebay.

7. Al always taking the private jet and limo to conferences to ban the use of fossil fuels, leaving Tipper with the Prius.

6. Tipper finally found out what’s in Al’s lockbox.

5. Tipper calling Al “Bill” once too often.

4. Al always going on about how sexy Mother Nature was in the Chiffon Margarine commercials.

3. Tipper claimed the bananas she bought were “locally grown.”

2. Tipper accidentally bleached Al’s “I invented the Internet” t-shirt.

1. Tipper: “Screw the dolphins. I want to order the goddam tuna!”

By the way, we could not let the occasion pass without noting that while the Gores have grown apart, the Clinton marriage seems stronger than ever. Perhaps Jesse Jackson could intervene in the Gore marriage.

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