Saturday, August 24th, 2019

Why I hate yard signs


…And why anyone who has ever managed a campaign hates yard signs. Fred Dooley has a caught a sitting County Supervisor running for re-election who forgot to put the disclaimer on the yard signs.


Look. They don’t attract votes. They use up valuable volunteer time. They get campaigns in trouble (illegal placement, etc). They cost too much money. They’re worthless if you don’t win. They fall down right away. The weather wrecks them right away. And if someone doesn’t get enough yard signs campaign staff members have to run around dropping off more signs and answering stupid phone calls about them. The wires cost an arm and a leg and then you’re stuck with them. Your volunteers never distribute as many signs as they say they will and then the day before the election return a bunch of them to clutter the campaign office. Did I mention the wires get grease on your clothes, usually right before some important meeting or event?

Oh yeah, and the yard signs get “stolen.” What a freaking pain that is listening to volunteers and candidates complain about (this is a family-friendly blog) stolen yard signs. WHO THE (this is a family-friendly blog) CARES?

Do you know yard signs are good for? Finding the neighbor of the other candidate that really dislikes him or her and putting a really big sign in the neighbor’s lawn so the opposing candidate can see your candidate’s name every day when they come home from wherever. Or finding a renter in the opposing candidate’s rental property to stick the sign in their window. Or my favorite (although I swear I did not do this), steal the opponent’s yard sign and put it up in front of the adult book store. THAT’S IT.

If I ever run another campaign again (and I never will), I swear it will not include yard signs. I don’t care how much the candidate begs me, I don’t care how much the volunteers beg me, I don’t care if someone swears on a stack of Bibles that they will be 100% responsible for the ordering, purchasing, distribution and replacement of yard signs, the next campaign I work on will have no yard signs.

Unless I’m the one running.

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