Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Soglin sick of Madison protesters


Madison – AFD News – Less than a week before Election Day, Madison Mayor Paul Soglin made a startling admission in an exclusive interview with AFD News. Soglin said, “I am sick and tired of the whiny protesters. Sick, sick, sick. Why don’t all of the stupid hippies just move to Portland?”

For Soglin, the final straw came in January when he was driving to the office. “I got cut off by some stupid hippie on a bicycle in a tie-dyed parka. It was all I could do not to go all Fred Clark on his ass.”

Soglin, competing for his eighth term, said revealing his attitude toward protesters in his city will not hurt him politically. “You know what? Everyone else is secretly sick of the protesters, too. They’ve had it with the chanting and the awful singing and the ugly signs calling everyone a racist or Hitler.”

“You know what else?” Soglin asked. “If you want a clean environment, don’t let the hippie protesters march in your downtown. They’re disgusting pigs. They throw litter everywhere. And you know some of them haven’t bathed since I was a protester. At least we had something real to protest. We were protesting napalm and the war. These idiots are marching and saying Madison is a racist city. MY MADISON, a racist city. I was out there protesting when these kids were being conceived at a Mifflin Street party that I organized. they have no idea what it was like. We had to march a mile through the snow uphill both ways to get to our protests and tear gas didn’t make it any easier. And the so-called music they play. Drumming on plastic buckets, blowing in those vuzufalahs or whatever they’re called. It’s just goddam noise. We had Bob Dylan and Joan Baez. You know who could sing good? Harry Carey. I miss him. But these protesters today, they just don’t get it. They’ve got drum circles and the Solidarity Singers. You call that music? You call that protesting? Now they get mad when we tell them to clean up their tents. Get the hell off our city grass, that’s what I say. Occupy? Occupy this. I own this town and I occupy this office. Bunch of goddam spoiled brats going to tell me how to run this city? They think they’re something? Here’s an idea. Why don’t they all get haircuts and a job so they can pay taxes. Then maybe we can afford to buy salt for the roads. I’m sick and tired of slipping and sliding through winter while we claim salt hurts the environment. You want to know the real reason we don’t buy salt? Because I have to take care of those knuckleheads. So, yeah, I’m sick of them. Sick of every last one of them. I swear to god if I see one more of them protesting outside my office because I ordered a cheese sandwich and it’s cruel to cows I’m going to go whack-a-mole on them. I’ll tell you one more thing. I hate tie-dye. Always did. Hurts my eyes. It looks stupid, and nobody takes a protester seriously when they’re wearing tie-dye. Stupid punks. Get a real tie and a real shirt if you’re a guy. You know what? I hate journalists, too. Get out of my office. And tell that smelly hippie in the waiting room I’ve left for the day.”

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